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Elka's Journal

Monday, May 11, 2009

2:19AM - Happiness is...

The roomate's undefended pita bread, lightly toasted, and home made tomato basil hummus.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

2:11PM - A Morning Haiku

Razor motor makes
Crunchy cereal noises,
My stubble prevails.

Monday, March 16, 2009

4:31PM - Supreme Moments of Existence

Out for a walk in the park next to our house today, gray clouds in the sky.

A few slender drops of rain brush up against my cheeks.

Suddenly a thunderclap rumbles over the landscape.  It sounds like the sky has cracked open.

Moments later it is hailing.  The hail is thick enough that my path turns white. 

No one around, I twirl as beads of ice bounce off my skin. 

I am completely surrounded in shades of green and white.

The hail passes.  The clouds move on, and the sun begins to melt away the storm's memory.

I see another man on the trail while walking home.  His smile is as large as mine.

By the time I'm home there is nothing on the ground but  a thin layer of moisture, sweat from nature's exertion. 

A moment of ephemeral beauty come and gone.

Friday, February 27, 2009

12:24AM - Question De Jour

Have you ever heard of something having crannies without having nooks?  Just what is the difference between nooks and crannies?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

8:18PM - Reader Poll

So, I've decided that I really enjoy doing Masterpiece Theater of Tragedy entries.  I wanted to ask my readers... what should I do next?  I'd love to hear some suggestions, and am just masochistic enough to subject myself to some pretty awful films.  Just remember that what makes a good Masterpiece Theater of Tragedy entry isn't just a bad movie (example: The Happening).  Bad movies are a dime a dozen these days.  What makes for a good MToT is when a movie fails completely and utterly at being what it intended to be (example: Jumper).  So, that said: hit me with your suggestions and I'll start queuing them up!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

10:21PM - True Stories

So, I just took cobaltie out for a birthday beer at the new Deshutes Brewery downtown.  The beer was excellent... he tried a porter and I picked up a Belgian ale.  Originally I planned on grabbing some appetizers to have with our brews, but when we discovered elk burgers on the menu I had to try one.

As it turns out, it was the best burger I have ever tasted.  I can only hope that I'll be that delicious when I die.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

1:55PM - Masterpiece Theater Of Tragedy: Wanted

I'll admit it.  No matter how old I get I will always have a warm fuzzy place in my heart for campy action movies.  It's got a beanbag chair in one corner, a coffee table, and a few lava lamps for effect.  I think there's a poster of Hulk Hogan in there somewhere too, right next to the tiki bar.  In my warm fuzzy place classics like True Lies, Last Action Hero, Demolition Man, The Fifth Element, and more recently Shoot 'Em Up hang out and sip piña coladas together.  Every now and again, however, I give something new a chance to visit my warm fuzzy place.  If I continue this metaphor for Wanted, I would have to say that it tried to take a few too many shots of bacardi 151 while blustering about how it could hold its liquor, then soiled itself while crumping on the coffee table.  It is no longer welcome in my warm fuzzy place.

Cut for spoilers...Collapse )

Sunday, January 25, 2009

2:36AM - Daily Moments of Zen

As I waited for the crowd to slowly make its way out of the concert hall Jonathan Coulton has just played at a thought occurs to me.

"Every time I'm in one of these lines I feel like I'm in the middle of Marsh Of The Penguins.  It's that back and forth waddle everyone does as they move closer to the exit.  All we need is a big fan and a box of instant mashed potatoes to complete the effect."

Then, as we finally get outside... it's snowing.  I just had to go and open my big mouth.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

5:00PM - Daily Moments of Zen

So the room I live in has this window with a little lip of roof coming off of it.  The roof really doesn't serve any purpose, as far as I can tell, other than to give the neighborhood children a place to go running on whenever their parents give them too much sugar.  Every now and again I'll be minding my own business when a rug rat will go stomping by.  Usually I go out and ask them to stop, usually with a little bit of explanation.  Anyways, today I went out to talk to a few.

Elk:  Hey, guys, was that you running across the roof over there?
Rug Rats:  It was him!  *all pointing to one kid*
Elk:  *meeting eyes with The One Kid*  I know you're just trying to have fun, but I live right there.  It's a little unnerving when you guys go running by, because I don't know if it's kids or someone trying to come in through the back window.
The One Kid:  *his face shifting from a guilty look to a knowing one*  Oh!  Do you know how to tell?
Elk:  How?
The One Kid:  *his face perfectly serious, as if this clarification should clear up any problem*  You can tell because if it's a kid we'll be screaming.
Elk:  *feeling suddenly beaten*  I see... I... you guys enjoy yourselves then.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

10:19PM - It's time for a good, foamy rant!

Ok, I've about had it.

There comes a point in time when one must admit that if you can't beat them, join them.  Forest Gump always summed this up as, "stupid is and stupid does," which I feel more accurately reflects the reality of things.  While perusing an entry in xianjaguar 's livejournal today, I finally decided it was time to admit defeat and join the throngs of idiots.

What particular bit of stupidity do I refer to?  Specifically, comparing anyone you're trying to vilify to Hitler.  She mentioned someone who had compared our illustrious president to the Third Reich himself.  It seems to be a common practice on the internet, especially in political discourse.  I mean, how do you trump calling someone Hitler?  As far as most people know he was the naughtiest man ever to live.  Never mind that other dictators like Stalin and Pol Pot had body counts to rival Hitler on his best days, that would require a little understanding of history.  Never mind that most of the comparisons are really just thoughtless jabs by people who are unable to properly articulate their frustrations.  If Hitler is going to be our new universal standard for evil, I dare say that we embrace it.

In fact, I would like to suggest that we make Hitler a unit of measure.

That's right people!  We'll finally be able to give numerical values to evil.  Before moving on I'll suggest we make Hitler metric (he was European, after all).  This will make comparing degrees of evil much easier, since we won't have to resort to scientific notation.

For example:

Cheating on a test:  1.6 PicoHitlers
Kicking a puppy:  3 MicroHitlers
Clubbing a baby seal: 70 MicroHitlers
... just to hear it squeel:  75 MicroHitlers
Starting a nuclear war:  5 KiloHitlers

See!  Wasn't that easy?  Now instead of saying something completely asinine, like "Gorge Bush is teh worst presidnet since Hitler," you can say something productive!  Something more like, "In my opinion the sum of George Bush's evil acts as president comes to approximately 2.93 DecaHitlers.  This is roughly equivelent to kicking one million puppies."

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

6:37PM - I wrote a haiku about today...

Fell on icy street,
Shoulder went snap crackle pop,
One handed typist.

Monday, December 1, 2008

1:58AM - Daily Moments of Zen

Driving home from Walla Walla after dropping off carmelrain :

Thought:  "Walla Walla is a pretty cool town name.  It needs a slogan though. 'Now with twice the Walla!™' would work."

Thursday, November 27, 2008

11:11AM - The Loud Speaker Stood Up And Said:

Hey, just wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. Personally, I feel like we need more than one Thanksgiving a year. One day out of 365 for coming together with friends and family to gorge on turkey, gravy, mashed potato, stuffing, cranberry sauce, green beans, and dinner rolls is far too few in my opinion.

Mmmmm-mmm!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

10:13PM - Timeline

I swear my mind, much like the main character of Slaughterhouse Five, has become unstuck in time. I'm always finding myself thinking of clever replies to things people said hours later, constantly switching subjects to conversations, or experiencing emotional reactions to things that happened much earlier.

Case and point.

10:00 AM - I receive a call back from a place I had interviewed at offering me a job. I thought I was a good fit for them, and had liked what I saw at their offices. Level of enthusiasm: 1 out of 10.

2:00 PM - I call them back to confirm that I'll take the position. Level of enthusiasm: 2 out of 10.

8:00 PM - I suddenly feel the uncontrollable urge to yell, "Woo-HOOOOO!" Aftershocks of both woos and hoos ensue for another few hours. Level of enthusiasm: Woo-HOOOOOO!

For those of us just joining the class, I have a job again. It won't feel real until I start getting some people on the table, but I'm excited. For months I have held my enthusiasm in check, keeping it from getting my hopes up only to have them let down. It only took one ride on that emotional roller coaster for me to realize I never wanted to go on it again. Now, I think I can finally start letting myself move forward again. This job-hunt has felt like one colossal detour in my life, but it looks like I'm finally about to push past it.

Weirdest of all? I think this was roughly interview number 20. Way back at the start of all this, someone told me it took about that many in order to finally find a job. It's amazing just how wise conventional wisdom is sometimes.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

6:05PM - Fall

Driving along quiet back streets on a cool fall day. The trees have already shed themselves of their leafy burdens, leaving the town blanketed in yellows and browns and oranges. Only the places touched by human activity daily remain uncovered. The sidewalk looks more like a riverbank now. A slender pile of leaves stretches down the road where the dividing line used to be. Even the air is thick with leaves as you drive, kicked up by the tires of cars around you. It's like a friendly reminder from nature that while we think we own the land, we're only really borrowing the place.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

1:47PM - Moments in Still Life

I shifted uncomfortably in my airplane seat, nursing on a cup of tea to try and distract myself from the lower back pain. Flight 2363, bound for Portland, still had at least forty five minutes before we would land. I sighed, realizing that this was going to be the end of my nap. Sleeping on planes has never been a talent of mine, which has always confused me given how easily I could sleep in school desks. Memories of my trip began to flicker through my mind, embers of moments past still smoldering brightly in my imagination. It had been a good trip, and I was feeling a lot better than I had when I left, but there was still plenty to be done back home.

Sitting up, I lifted the blind that had been covering up my little porthole to the outside world. My eyes ached for a moment as they acclimated to the sunlight, irises curling into tiny spheres of black. Outside the ground was nowhere to be seen as miles upon miles of thick clouds stretched on seemingly forever. Thick and white, it was like looking at the ghost of some glacier long since gone. Higher up thin strands of vapor cast faint shadows on the clouds below as they soared through the upper atmosphere.

As I stared at the patterns of light and dark shifting over one another, I realized something. Somewhere below all that was a world of concrete and traffic lights, hot dogs and hamburgers. Everyone in that world had no idea just how beautiful things were above them.

It made me wonder just how much beauty we walk by on a day to day basis.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

3:42PM - Still Alive.

Who Killed Amanda Palmer?

Hell. Yes. I pre-ordered this CD just based on my love for her piano work in the Dresden Dolls, and let me say that her solo album is amazing.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

5:36PM - Living on a Budget Gourmet

After working at Starbucks for almost a year I discovered that eating out at local fast food places gets very expensive very quickly.  So, seeking out smaller, less greasy, and less expensive portions I started to experiment at the local supermarket.  The idea was to find ways of throwing together cheap, no preparation meals on the fly during my thirty minute lunch breaks at work.  I wanted to share a few things I discovered here, and invite anyone else to share any tasty lunch combinations they've come up with.

The Olive Bar:  Olive bars have always struck me as kind of expensive, but when you're just getting yourself a quick lunch they can actually be surprisingly affordable.  I made a habit of stopping there to buy a few different kinds of olives and a few pieces of fresh mozzarella or feta.  I could usually get away with a plate of olives and cheese for around $3, which isn't too bad for a quality lunch.  My favorite thing to do at the olive bar was combine sweet peppers, fresh mozzarella, and marinaded mushrooms on toothpicks and eat them like kabobs.

Fruit:  Just combine a banana and some decent dark chocolate.  The fruit and the bar will run about $2, and the dark chocolate compliments the banana really well.

Granola:  A fist full of granola from the bulk bins costs hardly anything, and works well with either fruit or some yogurt.  Another $2-3 affair.

Dolmas:  If you can find them, little cans of dolmas usually aren't very expensive and are more than enough food for a hearty lunch.  Just add a toothpick.  Usually $3-4.

Anyone else have anything they like?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

1:23PM - Masterpiece Theater Of Tragedy: The Happening

Another movie review brought to you by the the letter H and the number 8.

Spoilers Within!Collapse )

Sunday, July 6, 2008

11:47PM - To whome it may concern...

Dear Crooked Arrow:

So far I only know by your distinctive territorial marking strategy. Every other customer who comes through our bathroom manages to poop without accidentally nicking the side of the toilet. You, however, manage to leave a trail of brown frosting hiding beneath the toilet seat in the ladies room day after day. How you manage to achieve this is still a mystery to me. Our toilet seats have an opening large enough to dispose of an unwanted baby in. Only the vaguest grasp of the concept of accuracy is needed to shit in a hole of that size. I have had to clean up after you one too many times.

I want you to know that one day I will figure who you are. When that day comes, I will shove a laser pointer up your butt so every time you pop a squat you will have a red dot to help keep your errant dooks on target.

Then I will poop on you.

Love,

Elk

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